How to Fill Out New Jersey Renunciation and Nomination + FAQs

The New Jersey Renunciation and Nomination of Administrator is a sworn Surrogate’s Court form that lets an heir or named executor give up the right to manage a decedent’s estate and pick someone else to serve in their place. It is filed in the County Surrogate’s Court of the county where the decedent lived, under the priority rules in N.J.S.A. 3B:10-2 for intestate estates and N.J.S.A. 3B:10-4 when a named executor steps aside.

Skipping the form, signing it without a notary, or naming a disqualified person can stall Letters of Administration for weeks and force the court to require a surety bond your family did not plan for. New Jersey Surrogate’s Courts process more than 60,000 estate openings a year, and county clerks report that defective renunciations are among the top three reasons probate packets get bounced at the counter, according to guidance posted by the New Jersey Courts.

  • 📝 How to fill out every line, box, and signature block on the renunciation
  • ⚖️ Which statutes control who has priority and who can be nominated
  • 📍 Where to file in each of New Jersey’s 21 counties and what it costs
  • 🚫 The 10 most common mistakes that get renunciations rejected
  • 👨‍👩‍👧 Three real scenarios walking named filers through the entire form

What the Form Is and Who Must File It

The Renunciation and Nomination of Administrator is the legal instrument that closes one door and opens another. It tells the Surrogate that a person with the right to administer the estate is giving up that right, and it tells the court who should get the job instead. Without it, the Surrogate cannot skip over a higher-priority heir to appoint a lower-priority one.

In an intestate estate, meaning the decedent died without a will, the priority list in N.J.S.A. 3B:10-2 starts with the surviving spouse or domestic partner, then moves to the remaining heirs in equal degree of kinship. Each person ahead of the proposed administrator must either renounce or join in the nomination. If even one higher-priority heir refuses to sign, the Surrogate cannot issue Letters of Administration to the proposed nominee.

In a testate estate, meaning the decedent left a will, the named executor may decline to serve under N.J.S.A. 3B:10-4. When that happens, the executor signs a renunciation and the contingent executor named in the will steps up. If no contingent is named, the residuary beneficiaries nominate an administrator c.t.a. (cum testamento annexo) using the same renunciation form with the testate boxes checked.

The form is filed by the renouncing party, not by the nominee. The renouncer can be a surviving spouse, an adult child, a sibling, a parent, a more distant heir, or an executor named in a will. Minors cannot renounce; their guardian must petition separately under Rule 4:26-2. Creditors of the estate cannot file this form to take administration; they have a different procedure under N.J.S.A. 3B:10-2 after 40 days.

Before You Start: Documents and Information You Need

Walking into the Surrogate’s office without the right paperwork is the single fastest way to lose a morning. The Surrogate cannot accept a renunciation in isolation; it rides along with the application for Letters, so your packet must be complete before you sign anything in front of a notary or deputy surrogate. The pre-filing checklist below comes from the Bergen County Surrogate and Essex County Surrogate intake desks, which use nearly identical lists.

  • Certified death certificate with raised seal. The Surrogate matches the date of death on the certificate to the form; a photocopy will be rejected at the window.
  • Original will, if any. Even when you are renouncing as executor, the will must be deposited with the Surrogate before any renunciation is accepted.
  • Decedent’s full legal name and any aliases. Mismatched names between the death certificate and the form cause the clerk to reject the packet.
  • Decedent’s last address and county of residence. Venue is set by where the decedent lived, not where they died, under Rule 4:80-1.
  • Names, addresses, and relationships of all heirs at law. Missing one heir of equal priority means the renunciation is incomplete and Letters cannot issue.
  • Government-issued photo ID for the renouncer. The Surrogate’s deputy will not notarize without it.
  • Proposed administrator’s full legal name, address, phone, and Social Security number. The Surrogate runs a child-support judgment search under N.J.S.A. 2A:17-56.23b before issuing Letters.
  • Estimated gross estate value. This drives the bond amount and the filing fee, and a wrong estimate can require an amended renunciation later.
  • Filing fee in an accepted form of payment. Most counties take cash, check, or money order; some accept credit cards with a surcharge.
  • Self-addressed stamped envelope for return of the certified Letters if you are not waiting on-site.

Where to Get the Form and How to Access It

New Jersey does not publish a single statewide PDF of this form; each County Surrogate posts its own version, and the wording differs slightly from county to county. The cleanest place to start is the New Jersey Surrogate Forms page on the Judiciary website, which links out to all 21 counties.

For the most populous counties, the direct downloads sit on each Surrogate’s site. The Bergen County Surrogate forms page hosts the Renunciation and Nomination as a fillable PDF. The Essex County Surrogate and Middlesex County Surrogate post their own versions, and Monmouth County uses a slightly different layout that combines renunciation and nomination on a single sheet.

Always confirm the revision date printed in the lower corner of the form before you sign. Most counties revised the form in 2023 or 2024 to add the child-support judgment disclosure required by N.J.S.A. 2A:17-56.23a. A pre-2023 version will be rejected at intake because it lacks the new acknowledgment box.

You can also pick up a paper copy at any Surrogate’s counter during business hours. The deputy clerks will hand you the current version and a one-page intake checklist. If you live out of state, most Surrogates will mail the form for free or email a fillable PDF on request. Do not download a generic “New Jersey renunciation” form from a third-party legal site; those forms often omit county-specific captions and the child-support box.

Step-by-Step: How to Fill Out the Renunciation and Nomination Line by Line

The form runs one to two pages depending on the county. Every county uses the same logical flow: caption, recitals, renunciation paragraph, nomination paragraph, signature, and notary jurat. Work top to bottom in black ink, in block printing, and never use correction fluid; cross out errors with a single line and initial them.

Caption: Surrogate’s Court and County

The caption is the heading at the top of the form. It identifies which court the document is filed in and links the renunciation to the estate file the Surrogate will open.

To answer it, write the county name in the blank after “SURROGATE’S COURT OF” in all capital letters. Use the county where the decedent lived on the date of death, not where the renouncer lives.

For example, Maria Lopez, whose father died at his home in Hackensack, writes BERGEN in the county blank.

If the decedent split time between two homes, venue belongs to the county of domicile, the place they intended as their permanent home, under Rule 4:80-1. Driver’s license address and voter registration usually settle the question.

The most common mistake is writing the renouncer’s county instead of the decedent’s. The consequence is automatic rejection because the Surrogate has no jurisdiction over an out-of-county estate.

A widespread misconception is that the county of death controls venue. It does not; a New Jersey resident who dies in a Florida hospital is still probated in their New Jersey home county.

Estate of (Decedent’s Name)

This line names the person whose estate is being opened. It anchors every later filing in the matter to a single decedent.

Write the decedent’s full legal name exactly as it appears on the certified death certificate, in capital letters, last name last. Include middle initials only if they appear on the certificate.

For example, John A. Lopez writes JOHN A. LOPEZ even though everyone called him Jack.

If the decedent used an alias or maiden name on important assets, add a/k/a and the alternate name on the same line. The Surrogate will issue Letters in both names so banks can release accounts held under either.

The most common mistake is using a nickname. The consequence is that financial institutions reject the Letters because the name on the certificate does not match the Letters caption.

A common misconception is that the form must match the will. It must match the death certificate; if the will and certificate differ, file an a/k/a line and bring proof of identity for both names.

Date of Death

This box ties the estate to a fixed legal moment. It triggers every deadline in the case, including the nine-month inheritance tax window under N.J.S.A. 54:35-3.

Write the date in MM/DD/YYYY format, copied exactly from the death certificate. Do not estimate or round.

For example, Maria writes 03/14/2026 because the certificate lists March 14, 2026.

If the decedent was missing and later declared dead, use the date of presumed death from the court order, not the date the body was found.

The most common mistake is transposing digits. The consequence is that the Surrogate’s computer flags the file when the inheritance tax return arrives, and the executor has to file a corrected affidavit.

A frequent misconception is that the date of death is the date the death certificate was issued. It is not; the certificate’s date of death field is what controls.

Renouncer’s Name, Address, and Relationship

This block identifies the person giving up the right to serve. The Surrogate uses it to confirm the renouncer has standing to renounce in the first place.

Print the renouncer’s full legal name, current residence address (street, city, state, ZIP), and relationship to the decedent (spouse, child, sibling, named executor, etc.). Use the relationship word the statute uses, not a casual term like next of kin.

For example, Maria Lopez, of 22 Elm Street, Hackensack, NJ 07601, writes daughter because she is the decedent’s adult child.

If the renouncer is one of several adult children, all of them must sign their own renunciations, or the surviving ones must be specifically named in the nomination. A P.O. Box alone is not enough; the Surrogate needs a physical address for service.

The most common mistake is listing the wrong relationship, such as writing heir instead of daughter. The consequence is that the Surrogate cannot match the renouncer to a slot on the N.J.S.A. 3B:10-2 priority list and rejects the form.

A common misconception is that a stepchild qualifies as a child. Under New Jersey intestacy law, only legally adopted or biological children inherit, so a stepchild has no standing to renounce.

Renunciation Paragraph

This is the operative sentence that surrenders the right to serve. It is the legal heart of the form.

Read the pre-printed paragraph carefully. It typically reads, “I, the undersigned, do hereby renounce all my right to administer the estate of the above-named decedent.” Do not alter the language. Initial each page if the form has more than one.

For example, Maria reads the paragraph aloud to herself to confirm she understands, then signs only after the deputy surrogate watches her.

If you want to renounce only as to a specific asset, you cannot use this form; you need a qualified disclaimer under N.J.S.A. 3B:9-1, which has different rules and a nine-month deadline.

The most common mistake is signing the renunciation while still hoping to inherit through administration fees. The consequence is that the renunciation is final once filed and cannot be revoked except by court order showing fraud or mistake.

A widespread misconception is that renouncing administration also renounces inheritance. It does not; the renouncer keeps every dollar of their share and only gives up the job of administering.

Nomination Paragraph

This is the second operative sentence. It tells the Surrogate who should be appointed instead.

Print the nominee’s full legal name and complete address on the blank lines. Some county versions also ask for the nominee’s relationship to the decedent and the nominee’s date of birth.

For example, Maria writes Carlos Lopez, 18 Maple Avenue, Paramus, NJ 07652, brother of decedent on the nomination line.

If you want to nominate two people to serve as co-administrators, write both names joined by and and check the co-administration box if the form has one. Co-administrators must both qualify and post bond.

The most common mistake is nominating someone who is disqualified, such as a non-resident with no New Jersey co-administrator, a convicted felon, or a person under 18. The consequence is that the Surrogate refuses to issue Letters to that nominee under N.J.S.A. 3B:5-31 and Rule 4:96.

A frequent misconception is that the nominee can be anyone the renouncer trusts. The nominee still must have legal capacity and, if a non-resident, post a higher bond and accept New Jersey service of process.

Child-Support Judgment Acknowledgment

Added in 2023, this box requires the nominee to acknowledge that the Surrogate will run a child-support judgment search. It implements N.J.S.A. 2A:17-56.23b.

Check the box and have the nominee sign and date the acknowledgment if your county’s form puts the acknowledgment on the renunciation. In most counties, the nominee signs a separate Application for Letters that includes this language.

For example, Carlos signs the acknowledgment in front of the deputy surrogate the same day Maria files her renunciation.

If the nominee has an open child-support judgment, Letters can still issue, but the Surrogate notifies Probation and a portion of any commissions may be intercepted.

The most common mistake is leaving the acknowledgment blank because “it doesn’t apply.” The consequence is rejection at intake; the box must be checked either yes or no.

A common misconception is that this search exposes the nominee’s full credit report. It does not; the Surrogate only checks the New Jersey Child Support Lien Network.

Signature of Renouncer

The signature is what makes everything above it binding. It must be written, not typed, in the renouncer’s own hand.

Sign in blue or black ink in front of a notary or deputy surrogate. Do not sign at home and bring it in; many counties require the signature to be witnessed at the counter.

For example, Maria signs Maria Lopez on the signature line while the deputy watches and stamps the jurat.

If the renouncer is out of state, they can sign in front of any notary public in their state, but the notary’s commission must be valid and the seal legible. Some counties also require an acknowledgment certificate compliant with the Uniform Recognition of Acknowledgments Act.

The most common mistake is signing a different version of the name than appears in the renouncer block. The consequence is the Surrogate questions identity and may demand a corrected, re-notarized form.

A common misconception is that an electronic signature works. New Jersey Surrogates require a wet ink signature on the original renunciation, even when other parts of the probate packet are e-filed.

Notary Jurat / Deputy Surrogate Acknowledgment

The jurat is the notary block at the bottom. It converts the document from a private statement into a sworn one.

The notary or deputy surrogate fills in the date, the renouncer’s name, the county and state, and applies the seal or stamp. The renouncer should not write anything in this block.

For example, Bergen County Deputy Surrogate Patricia Reyes completes the jurat after watching Maria sign.

If the notary’s commission expires within 30 days of filing, ask for a different notary; some clerks reject jurats from notaries whose commissions are about to lapse.

The most common mistake is a missing seal. The consequence is automatic rejection because the form is not technically sworn without the seal.

A common misconception is that any officer can notarize. Out-of-state attorneys cannot notarize in New Jersey, and online remote notarization under N.J.S.A. 52:7-10.10 is allowed but many Surrogates prefer in-person.

Three Filled-Out Examples Using Real Scenarios

The three scenarios below show how the same form moves through three of the most common New Jersey family situations. Each named filer is fictional, but the entries match what county Surrogates see daily.

Scenario 1: Maria, Adult Child Renouncing in Favor of a Sibling (Intestate)

Maria Lopez’s father, John A. Lopez, died without a will in Hackensack. Maria and her brother Carlos are the only heirs. Maria lives in Florida and wants Carlos, who lives in New Jersey, to administer.

Form Section What Maria Enters
Surrogate’s Court of BERGEN
Estate of JOHN A. LOPEZ
Date of death 03/14/2026
Renouncer name MARIA LOPEZ
Renouncer address 4400 Ocean Drive, Miami, FL 33139
Relationship Daughter of decedent
Nominee name and address Carlos Lopez, 18 Maple Avenue, Paramus, NJ 07652
Nominee relationship Son of decedent / brother of renouncer
Child-support box Checked – nominee has no judgment
Signature and date Maria Lopez, 03/28/2026, notarized in Miami-Dade County, FL

Scenario 2: Aisha, Surviving Spouse Renouncing in Favor of Adult Child (Intestate)

Aisha Williams is the surviving spouse of Marcus Williams, who died intestate in Newark. Aisha is grieving and overwhelmed, and her adult daughter Janet Williams-Brown is a CPA willing to administer.

Form Section What Aisha Enters
Surrogate’s Court of ESSEX
Estate of MARCUS T. WILLIAMS
Date of death 01/09/2026
Renouncer name AISHA WILLIAMS
Renouncer address 55 South Orange Ave., Newark, NJ 07103
Relationship Surviving spouse
Nominee name and address Janet Williams-Brown, 210 Main St., West Orange, NJ 07052
Nominee relationship Daughter of decedent
Child-support box Checked – no judgment
Signature and date Aisha Williams, 02/02/2026, notarized at Essex County Surrogate’s counter

Scenario 3: David, Named Executor Renouncing in a Testate Estate

David Chen was named executor in his uncle Henry Chen’s will, but David lives in California and does not want to travel. The will names no contingent executor, so the residuary beneficiaries (David’s two cousins) nominate Linda Chen as administrator c.t.a.

Form Section What David Enters
Surrogate’s Court of MIDDLESEX
Estate of HENRY P. CHEN
Date of death 11/22/2025
Renouncer name and capacity DAVID CHEN, named executor
Renouncer address 900 Market St., San Francisco, CA 94102
Statute box N.J.S.A. 3B:10-4 – executor renunciation
Nominee name and address Linda Chen, 14 Oak Lane, Edison, NJ 08820
Nominee capacity Administrator c.t.a., residuary beneficiary
Child-support box Checked – no judgment
Signature and date David Chen, 12/15/2025, notarized in San Francisco County, CA

How to File the Completed Form

Filing happens at the County Surrogate’s Court of the decedent’s domicile. Every county accepts paper filing in person, most accept mail, and a growing number accept limited e-filing for follow-on documents (not the original renunciation). Bring or send the renunciation together with the application for Letters, the certified death certificate, the original will if any, and the filing fee.

In person. Walk into the Surrogate’s office during business hours, typically 8:30 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Monday through Friday. The Bergen County Surrogate is at One Bergen County Plaza, Hackensack; the Essex County Surrogate is at 465 Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., Newark; and the Middlesex County Surrogate is at 75 Bayard Street, New Brunswick. Filing fees are set by N.J.S.A. 22A:2-30 and currently start at $100 for the first probate page plus $5 per additional page and $5 per certified Letter. Pay by cash, check made payable to the County Surrogate, or money order; some counties accept credit cards with a 2.95% surcharge. Processing typically takes 30 to 60 minutes if the packet is complete; you walk out with certified Letters that day. Keep the receipt; it is your proof of filing.

By mail. Mail the original renunciation, the rest of the probate packet, the fee, and a self-addressed stamped envelope to the Surrogate’s address. Use certified mail with return receipt so you have proof of delivery. Processing time is two to four weeks. Letters of Administration come back in your SASE.

By fax or email. Renunciations cannot be filed by fax or email because the original wet-ink, notarized signature is required. Some counties accept emailed advance copies for clerk review, but the original must follow by mail or in person.

E-filing. As of 2026, no New Jersey Surrogate accepts e-filing of original renunciations. The New Jersey Courts e-filing portal covers Superior Court matters, not Surrogate intake.

What Happens After You File

Once the Surrogate accepts the renunciation and the rest of the packet, the deputy surrogate runs the child-support judgment search and, if the nominee qualifies, issues Letters of Administration (or Letters of Administration c.t.a. for a testate estate). The nominee takes the oath, posts bond if required under N.J.S.A. 3B:15-1, and walks out with certified Letters that banks, brokerages, and the DMV recognize.

Within 60 days of qualification, the new administrator must mail a Notice of Probate to every heir at law and beneficiary, and file proof of mailing with the Surrogate under Rule 4:80-6. The renouncer is not relieved of being notified; even though they gave up the job, they still receive the notice as an heir.

The renunciation itself is filed permanently in the estate file. It cannot be withdrawn except by court order showing fraud, duress, or mutual mistake, under cases recapped in In re Estate of Yablick and similar Chancery Division decisions.

If the nominee later cannot serve (death, illness, removal), the renunciation does not automatically resurrect the renouncer’s right. The Surrogate looks again at the priority list and may require a new round of renunciations from the next tier of heirs.

Mistakes to Avoid When Filling Out the Form

  • Filing in the wrong county. The Surrogate has no jurisdiction over an out-of-county decedent and will reject the packet at the counter.
  • Using a nickname instead of legal name. Banks reject Letters that don’t match the death certificate, costing weeks of asset access.
  • Missing the notary seal. Without the seal, the form is not sworn and the Surrogate refuses to file it.
  • Naming a disqualified nominee. A felon, minor, or non-resident without proper bond will be denied Letters under N.J.S.A. 3B:5-31.
  • Forgetting one heir of equal priority. If five siblings exist and only four sign renunciations, Letters cannot issue to the nominee.
  • Confusing renunciation with disclaimer. A disclaimer gives up inheritance; a renunciation only gives up the administration job, and mixing them up forfeits real money.
  • Skipping the child-support acknowledgment. Post-2023 forms require this box, and leaving it blank is automatic rejection.
  • Using a pre-2023 form. Old versions lack the child-support disclosure required by N.J.S.A. 2A:17-56.23b.
  • Signing before the notary watches. A pre-signed form fails the jurat and must be re-executed.
  • Estimating the date of death. A wrong date triggers a corrected affidavit and may delay the inheritance tax filing under N.J.S.A. 54:35-3.
  • Listing a P.O. Box only. The Surrogate needs a physical address for service of process.
  • Assuming electronic signatures count. Surrogates require wet ink on the original renunciation.

Do’s and Don’ts

Do: – Confirm the form’s revision date matches the current county version, because outdated forms are rejected. – Bring the certified death certificate to every counter visit, since clerks will not accept photocopies. – Use the exact relationship term from N.J.S.A. 3B:10-2, so the Surrogate can confirm priority quickly. – Sign in front of the deputy surrogate when possible, because counter notarization eliminates seal disputes. – Keep two copies of the signed renunciation, since you will likely need one for the inheritance tax file and one for personal records. – Verify the nominee’s eligibility before nominating, to avoid a denied Letters application that wastes the filing fee.

Don’t: – Don’t use correction fluid; cross-outs with initials are the only accepted correction method. – Don’t sign for someone else under a power of attorney; renunciations require the renouncer’s personal signature. – Don’t file the renunciation alone without the application for Letters, since the Surrogate will not accept a stand-alone renunciation. – Don’t nominate a non-resident without arranging a New Jersey co-fiduciary or higher bond, because Letters will be refused. – Don’t assume county forms are interchangeable; always download from the specific county where you are filing. – Don’t wait beyond the practical 40-day window in N.J.S.A. 3B:10-2, or creditors may petition for administration ahead of family.

Pros and Cons of Filing on Your Own vs. With Help

Pros of filing pro se: – Saves attorney fees that often run $1,500–$3,500 for a simple administration opening. – Faster turnaround when the family is aligned and the form is straightforward. – Direct contact with the Surrogate’s deputies, who answer procedural questions for free. – Builds confidence handling later estate paperwork like the inheritance tax return. – Keeps family disputes out of professional hands when none exist.

Cons of filing pro se: – One missed signature can delay Letters by weeks, freezing bank accounts the family needs. – Pro se filers often miss the difference between renunciation and disclaimer, costing real tax money. – No malpractice insurance to fall back on if a mistake causes a loss. – Out-of-state renouncers may not understand New Jersey’s wet-signature and county-venue rules. – Complex estates (closely held businesses, contested heirs, federal estate tax) almost always need counsel from the start.

Filing Channels Compared

Filing Channel Key Details
In person at Surrogate’s counter Same-day Letters, deputy can notarize, fees by cash/check/MO/sometimes card, 30–60 min processing
Certified mail 2–4 week turnaround, requires SASE, original wet-ink notarized form, return receipt as proof of filing
Fax / email Not accepted for original renunciations; some counties take advance courtesy copies only
E-filing Not available for original Surrogate renunciations as of 2026; portal limited to Superior Court matters

Renunciation vs. Disclaimer

Concept What It Does
Renunciation under N.J.S.A. 3B:10-2 / 3B:10-4 Gives up the right to serve as administrator or executor; renouncer keeps inheritance
Qualified disclaimer under N.J.S.A. 3B:9-1 Gives up the inheritance itself; must be filed within 9 months for federal tax purposes

FAQs

Do I lose my inheritance if I sign a renunciation?

No. Renouncing administration gives up only the job of administering, not the share of the estate. To give up the inheritance you must file a separate qualified disclaimer.

Can I renounce in favor of someone outside the family?

Yes. New Jersey allows nomination of any qualified adult, but a non-resident nominee usually must post a higher bond and accept service of process in New Jersey.

Do all the heirs at equal priority have to sign?

Yes. Every heir of equal degree of kinship must renounce or join in the nomination, or the Surrogate cannot issue Letters to the chosen nominee.

Can I revoke my renunciation after I file it?

No. Once accepted by the Surrogate, a renunciation is final and can only be undone by a Chancery Division order showing fraud, duress, or mutual mistake.

Do I write my full legal name or my maiden name in the renouncer block?

Yes, write the legal name you currently use; if your name on prior estate documents differs, add a/k/a and the alternate name on the same line.

Should I list a P.O. Box as my address on the form?

No. The Surrogate needs a physical residence address for service; you may add a P.O. Box for mail, but a street address is required.

Do I check the child-support box if the nominee has no children?

Yes. Check the acknowledgment regardless; the box confirms consent to a Probation search, not the existence of any judgment.

Can the renouncer also be the notary?

No. A notary cannot notarize their own signature, and a relative-notary with a financial interest in the estate should also be avoided.

Do I have to file the original will before renouncing as executor?

Yes. The will must be deposited with the Surrogate in the county of domicile before any executor renunciation is accepted.

Can a minor heir sign a renunciation?

No. Minors lack capacity; their guardian must petition the court under Rule 4:26-2 for authority to renounce on the minor’s behalf.

Do I need to file the renunciation within a specific deadline?

No. There is no hard deadline, but waiting beyond 40 days lets creditors apply for administration under N.J.S.A. 3B:10-2.

Can I renounce by Zoom notarization?

Yes, New Jersey allows remote notarization under N.J.S.A. 52:7-10.10, but many Surrogates still prefer in-person, so confirm with your county first.

Do co-administrators each need their own renunciations from higher-priority heirs?

Yes. Every higher-priority heir must renounce in favor of both proposed co-administrators by name, or the Surrogate will issue Letters to only one.

Can I write “next of kin” instead of my actual relationship?

No. Use the precise statutory term (spouse, child, sibling, parent), because the Surrogate matches your relationship to the priority list and rejects vague language.